- 'I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.'
Bernard Manning
- 'I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.'
Shirley Temple
- 'Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?'
Tom Armstrong
- 'Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.'
Victor Borge
- 'Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?'
Arlo Guthrie
- Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Anonymous
- You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.
Robert Paul
